Here’s a Lucado hunch about parenting: fathers and mothers enter the child-rearing business at 2 different times. Mothers decide to be mothers long before dads do. A mother carries a baby for 9 months, giving her an opportunity to grow content with her decision to parent the new family member.
Dad, however, goes about his daily routine, pretty much unaffected by what’s going on inside the womb. Oh, he’s supportive and excited, but compared to Mom, he’s an observer. Until delivery time. Then Dad’s world takes on new meaning. He looks into the face of the new life and is faced with the realization: I’m the father of this child. You might call it a “delivery room discovery.” At this point a good dad makes a big decision. He has to decide to become a father. And that decision sets up dominos of decisions he will make for the rest of his life. It’s a rational choice to alter his life, schedule, direction, and priorities in order to be a good dad to the tiny life in his arms.
Fathering a child is, for many, not difficult. But being a father is! It’s the first and most important decision of fathers: to make a conscientious choice to be a father.
The decision to be a father is not just a delivery room decision, though. Some dads leave home before the children are awake. Others arrive home long after the kids are home from school. Consequently, it’s possible, even common, for a father to forget about fathering, to emotionally disconnect himself from his children. Throughout the day, every day, dads need to renew their “dad” decision. “Will I attend this convention?” “Is this meeting essential?” “Can I rearrange these appointments to get home earlier?” on the way home from work, dads have to decide to take off the “work” hat and put on the “dad” hat. It’s a decision to manage his time, carefully reconciling work with the priority of family.
Being a good dad means making tough sacrificial decisions. Decisions that tell our children what is important to us.